I’m a 42 year old single male who recently left a 5 year relationship for various reasons, but mainly because I wanted kids and she did not.
I thought that since I was an attractive, fit, well-educated, financially and emotionally secure guy that I would have no problem finding a woman in her mid 30s to settle down with and start a family.
In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. They have a lot of dating options, they’re building their careers, and there isn’t a clear urgency to settle down.
I am trying to remain positive, but two things are really bothering me. Once a guy crosses 35, however, he (theoretically) tends to get more serious.
It’s the same exact advice I give to women in their early 40’s who want men in their early 40’s…except men in their early 40’s want women in their 30’s. I’m being a bit unfair, Adam, because there IS a market for a 42-year-old man – and you can certainly be doing better than you’re currently doing. I’m looking for a LTR but with that said I’ m not willing to settle.
Pick up a copy of Finding The One Online and it should make a difference. But the bigger takeaway is that ALL of us are very judgmental on age. To a 42-year-old man who wants his own biological children, anything above 36 is getting into risky territory. I’m a 37 year old woman and have online dated off and on over the years. I would date a 42 year old, not a problem, but as you say, men in their 40’s are looking for women who are in the 27-34 year old bracket.
” But what I’ve come to realize is that’s the wrong question that we as Black men should be asking ourselves.
The real question is, “How can we collectively treat our women better?The lesson to all of you younger readers: take your love life seriously when you turn 30, instead of waiting until you’re 35 or 40. I do know when I was in my early 30’s, anyone in their 40’s seemed old to me! It’s been my experience that I seem to get alot of emails from the 50 and over crowd. A few days ago, my homegirl Evita posted that quote on her Instagram.Instead, there’s a more pertinent solution we should be looking into: How can we work on ourselves, so we can be better men to the Black women in our lives?We can start by not emotionally abandoning the Black women closest to us.It even exploded into T-shirts being offered on a website stating, “Black Women Are Trash.” As with most 140-character debates, the true losers of this battle were nuance, context and mutual respect.